Organization Thirteen Minus One's Crazy Vacation
by The Obsidian Angel
Summary: Kingdom hearts II. The Organization takes a vacation to none other than... DESTINY ISLANDS in search of revenge, sunny beaches, and possible gay bars in the CRAZY PARODY of KINGDOM HEARTS II. By me. Yeah... Chapter Two: Truth and Dare. Major Demyx bashing
1. Chapter 1

WARNING: If you hate character bashing, LEAVE NOW because EVERYONE gets it in this! EVERYONE! Including your precious Axel. MEHEHEHEHEHEEH!

* * *

One gloomy evening, there were twelve rather unimpressive beings in black coats moping around the realm of darkness with nothing better to do than ask dumb ass questions. 

"You guys..." one of the many ridiculously pretty boys with Colgate grins started. "You don't think... that Kingdom Hearts is made of cheese?"

They all gazed up from the rose colored Disney Princess blanket and squinted vigilantly at the heart shaped moon.

"... _As_ if".

"Moron..."

"I _hate _cheese..."

"Got it memorized?"

They all stared at the red head strangely.

"Catch phrases", he chuckled. "They pop out every once in a while".

Everyone shrugged it off. It was just like Axel to be a schizophrenic lunatic. Nothing out of the ordinary.

The man leaned back against a poorly drawn image of Sleeping Beauty, attempting to look as if he wasn't on the brink of insanity. "Vexen", he called to yet another pretty boy with long silver hair. "Pass the popcorn chicken".

And Vexen did.

"I'm booored, you guuuhs!" moaned Demyx, the idiot who had asked the first question. His eyes suddenly beamed with excitement. "Let's do each other's nails!"

"NO!" almost everyone exploded at once. Vexen seemed disappointed.

"Why don't you go play on that banjo of yours?" Axel offered through a mouth full of popcorn chicken.

"SITAR!" the boy glared.

"Whatever".

A blonde, the only woman in the group, smiled deviously. "We could practice S &M". They all gave Larxene an uncomfortable sideways glance.

As if they liked females_ that_ much...

"Hey, have you guys noticed anything... different?" asked purple haired dude, Zexion.

Axel yawned. "_Like_?"

"Like we're not... _dead_ anymore".

They all gasped foolishly as realization slowly dawned on them.

And I mean slowly...

A couple of hours later...

"OH SNAP!" everyone cried at once. Everyone... but Vexen.

"I died?" he asked, dumbly.

"Yeah". Axel slipped an arm around his shoulder, all the while giving the trademark Colgate grin. "I murdered you, remember?"

At this, the entire party exploded into fits of laughter. That was some funny shit. Vexen joined in which made everyone else laugh harder. There was only one thing funnier than Vexen's death and that was his laugh.

"KYAHAHAHAHA! YOU KILL ME- HAHAHAHAHAHA! KYAHAHAHA...WHAT? YOU DID WHAT?"

"I murdered you", Axel replied calmly. "Got it memorized?"

Vexen scratched his head. "... No... or else I wouldn't be asking _you_, dumbass".

Axel took time to feel stupid.

"Ooooooh. Axel buuuurns" Larxene hissed.

"But how?" Zexion ignored the argument and continued on. "How did this happen?"

"The darkness", Ansem's nobody explained. "It had to be the darkness".

They all stared blankly at Xemnas.

"The darkness?"

"Totally". He nodded. "It was _totally_ the darkness".

They all slowly agreed. When in doubt, blame the darkness. At least that's what everyone else did...

"Well, what matters isn't how we got here". Xemnas stood. "What matters is that we have our-"

"VACATION!" Demyx cheered.

"Wha?"

"VACATION!" he shrieked once again, his eyes glistening.

"That sounds like fun", agreed Luxord, the blond guy that no one really cared about.

"Yeah", added Lexaeus, the other guy that no one really cared about.

They were both ignored, much to Luxord's surprise who felt that he was too sexy to be ignored.

"I'M TOO DAMN S-"

"Nonsense!" Xemnas scolded his inferiors. "What matters is that we have our revenge! REVENGE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAKAHAHAHAHAHWAAAA!"

"Revenge is boriiiiing", Axel teased and tossed back his fiery Sonic the Hedgehog hair, nearly putting out Vexen's eye.

"Yeah!" Demyx bit his lower lip.

"Yeah!" said Lexaeus, eager for a line.

"I'm going to have to agree with them, sir" admitted Saix, the biggest brown-noser and Harry Potter fan ever.

Axel smirked. "Looks like the majority has spoken".

Vexen rolled his eyes. "It's only three people. That's _hardly_ the majority. Can't you count, you fucking dumb-" Before he knew it, he'd been forced up against the wall, fire at his throat.

Vexen liiiiiiked.

"You're gonna get enough of TREATING MY LIFE!" Axel threatened viciously. He was losing his credibility just because Vexen somehow developed a brain while he was dead...

Axel let his weapons sink back into nowhere and let Vexen go, who blushed fervently and made a note to write about this in his diary later.

"So", Axel turned back to the rest, his breathing rushed. "Have you decided yet?"

Xemnas growled with rage. "We're not going any-"

Demyx cut his superior off. " How bout Disneyland?"

"Are you kidding?" Larxene grimaced. There would be no sadism in Disneyland. "How about America?"

They all blinked. "What's an America?"

"Let's go to London". Saix cuddled his signed Harry Potter picture.

"Halloween Town!"

"The Underworld!"

"Fred's Gay Bar down the street!"

"..."

"Atlantica!"

"Fuck. I'm not singin..."

"I know!" Xemnas volunteered.

Zexion crossed his arms and eyed him suspiciously. "You're suddenly for it now?"

Xemnas gave his most convincing innocent look... which wasn't all that convincing. But those idiots bought it anyway. "Let's go to Destiny Islands!"

"Destiny Islands?" Axel asked. "Why does that sound so familiar?"

"You probably saw it on TV", Xemnas explained.

"Okay!" Axel foolishly agreed against his better judgement.

"So what's on Destiny Islands?" Lexaeus, the nobody, asked.

_Silence._

"As if! What's to see _there_?" asked Xigbar, who hadn't spoke in quite sometime.

"Blue skies. The sun. Water. ("Dance, water! Dance!" Demyx put in before he was bitch slapped.) Sadism. Gay bars. Anything. You name it".

The Organization squealed in glee while the members that thought they were too cool to squeal nearly shitted themselves trying not to.

"Let's go!" Demyx stood up, recovering from his bitch slap. They all raced toward the black and purple Organization Gummi Ship, screaming their heads off about the ocean and gay bars and sunny beaches.

But Xemnas stayed behind, a slow, evil smirk slipping over his lips. He had something else in mind. Something much _much_ worse.

MWAHAHAHAHAH!

* * *

K. I'm done. With this chapter anyway. Sorry if it sucks, I haven't written anything in forever. REVIIIIIIEW! 

REVIEW!

REVIEW!

REVIEW!

And TREAT MY LIFE means MAKE ME FEEL STUPID

Just incase you aren't on that level yet;)


	2. Chapter 2

"Are we there yet?" Demyx whined for the one hundredth time. Eleven gummi blocks went sailing his way along with a sharp wheel of fire that nearly roasted half of his pretty boy face. It sliced straight through Luxord's luggage and commenced to torch the entire bag.

"NOOOOO!" Luxord screamed, but no one heard, as he was practically invisible. He rushed to the bag.

"Hey!" Demyx stomped furiously on the floor of the ship. "That could have been me!"

"I think that was the idea", Larxene sneered, watching as the wheel returned to a disappointed Axel.

"GAAAH!" Luxord screamed, having somehow buried himself under piles of burning speedos, flammable sun cream, and the occasional dildo. Lexaeus, the nobody, pulled him to his feet. "The things you do for attention". He smacked at the flames, using it as an excuse to feel him up.

Demyx pouted and leaned against Xemnas for support, who merely blasted him into a nearby vending machine. Dozens of gummi cokes spewed out and rolled around the now unconscious Demyx. Everyone reached down to take a coke with the exception of Vexen who was on a diet. They all posed, their teeth twinkling in the Kingdom Hearts light. _BADABABABA_! The Coca Cola theme began to play and afterwards they all received two thousand dollars each. That's how they made their money. Because they sure as hell didn't make it fighting keyblade masters.

They royally sucked at that.

"You guys", came a... person with a feminine lisp and poufy blue hair. The sex of this person couldn't quite be determined, sotheir peers just called them **_it_**.

"Let's buy some sea salt ice cream and talk about our feelings for one another", **it **said.

"Assss if, Marluxia", Xigbar smacked his lips before dumping the remains of his coke over Demyx's head. What he did for television... He didn't even _like _coke!

"Let's buy some beer and popcorn chicken and play truth and dare", Axel suggested.

"Okay!"

Hours later after much making out, stripping, and far more humiliating things, Xaldin, the only one that was still sober, watched out of the corner of his eye as his friends made fools of themselves.

"Turn a road an' watch tha round" a drunken Xemnas muttered at him before fainting. Xaldin frowned and continued to drive the gummi ship. Well, he couldn't exactly call them friends. They had purposely made him drive the ship so they wouldn't have to listen to his god awful accent. Hell, they hadn't let him get one line in for the entire fic. Fuckin assholes...

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Okay!" Larxene giggled madly. "Okay! Okay!" She pointed to Axel. "I fucking DARE you! To stick this blue thing up Vexen's ass!" She held up a Struggle stick.

"Dear me", Vexen giggled.

Axel sighed. "He'd like it too much".

"You're right" Larxene gave a sadistic grin and eyed Zexion who turned completely white. If there was one thing to be said about Zexion, he was straight.

About as straight as a member of the Organization could get anyway.

And that's not saying much.

Axel held up the suspiciously shaped struggle club.

"No way, man" Zexion backed away. "You're not gonna..."

"A dares a dare", Saix held him in place.

"I quit!"

"Party pooper". Axel tossed the stick up and down before drawing closer.

"NOO! NOOOO! STOP IT! I DON'T WANNA PLAY ANY MOOOOORE!"

Five more dares and an aching ass later...

"MY TURN!" The red head smirked. The cool one.

Means Axel. Not Lexeaus.

Everyone grew nervous. Even Larxene. Terrible things happened when it was Axel's turn. His emerald eyes scanned the room and stopped on Zexion who whimpered in fear. They moved on to Demyx who was now humming the Bob the Builder song and playing with Legos.

"Demyx".

Demyx looked up. "Me?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

"Actually", Vexen started, before being nearly incinerated by two wheels of doom.

"OH BOY!" Demyx jumped up and down. He hadn't been picked for a dare the whole time they'd been playing! What luck that Axel should pick him now!

"I want you..." Axel pointed up. "To jump out of that window".

Demyx's excited expression died away to reveal a death glare. "No way! I'm not stupid!".

Axel raised an eyebrow. Perhaps he'd underestimated him...

"I'll need pixie dust first".

Or not.

Axel sprinkled a Burger King salt packet over the boy's head.

Demyx smiled. "I'm ready". He climbed up on the window sill. "Hey, I'm not gonna like..._ die_, am I?"

"No way! Take my word for it".

"Okay!" He jumped. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

They all stared after him.

"Great job, Axel", Xemnas sneered. "There goes our comic relief..."

"We _are_ comic relief..."

"What?"

"Nothing... but hey" He leaned out of the window to see holes in the clouds where Demyx had fallen through. "He survived death _once_, right?"

Meanwhile, in Destiny Islands, where the protagonists play... Riku and Sora were talking on a tree branch. And I don't mean that "Sup- G- How's- Everything- It's- All- Good" talk. I mean that other kind. The one that makes you worry about their sexual preference.

Sora's eyes flooded with tears. "Riku!" He tackled the older boy by the legs before he could get away. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"Sora?"

Sora sobbed harder. "Do you realize how long I've been searching for you? DO YOU?"

"Um..."

"I was so worried for you". He shook violently. "So worried..."

"Sora!" Riku kicked him off. "I've only been gone five minutes".

"I know". He sniffled.

"Sora... I was blinded"

"Riku".

"Blinded by the darkness, Sora"

"Riku".

"I realized that I was jealous of you"

"Really?"

"Jealous of your cute dimples".

"Aw..."

"And the way your hair dances in the breeze"

"Aw, Riku". Sora cheesed. "You're my BEST! FRIEND!"

They held on tightly to each other's hands.

"Sora?"

"Riku?"

"It's driving me insane".

"Your feelings for me?"

"No", he shook his head. "It's that damn island music". He looked up to the skies in that over dramatic "Riku manner". "WILL IT NEVER END?"

Sora bit his lip. "Er..."

"I'm going to the cave to be emo. You coming?"

"I think I'll pass..." Sora's eyes suddenly brightened. "Can you walk? Want me to help you there?"

"No thanks", Riku scoffed. Sora wasn't getting another ass feel out of him. He'd been assaulted enough in The World That Never Was...

Sora watched sadly as Riku walked off when someone took him roughly from behind. "Guess who?"

"... _Morpheus_?"

"Huh?"

"Kairi?" He spun around. "Kairi!" He cheesed some more. "KAIRI!"

"HEY SORA!" she beamed with equally annoying cheesiness. "I've been looking everywhere for you! I thought you might be being gay with Riku again".

"Gay?" Sora blinked. "You mean happiness?"

"No, Sora. You see when a man loves another man, they-"

"Fight?"

"No-"

"Swim?"

"No!"

"Play Golf?"

"Sora!"

"Kairi!" He held up a box. "I bought a gift for you!"

Kairi squealed with glee. "OOOOH! WHAT IS IT? IS IT A RING? A BARBIE? WHAT?"

"Open it and see". He handed her a huge purple box with pink wrapping. She tore at it mercilessly.

"OH, SORA, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE! YOU KNOW I HATE FOR YOU TO SP- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kairi flew a good seven yards across the beach and into the ocean where passing sea gulls pecked at her unconscious form.

"Um... Kairi?" Sora kneeled down to retrieve the Disney Jack-in-the-Box from the ground and watched as Mickey's head bounced from side to side. He hadn't expected it to club her...

"Hey Sora!" Riku called. "Aren't you guys forgettin about me?" TM.

Sora's eyes flooded with tears. "Riku-"

"Don't start that again", he warned. "Where's Kairi?"

"Drowning". Sora nodded towards the water. "Guess I should save her, huh?"

"Probably..."

Sora reluctantly started towards the ocean when suddenly something black came plummeting from the skies. The islanders marveled at the object as Kairi struggled for air. Finally it broke through the atmosphere and shot straight into the sand next to Selphie. She leaned down to take a closer look before smiling widely. "A MAN!" She jumped for joy. "God has answered my prayers!"

"You!" Sora recognized the man, who was now weeping into a blitzball. "I thought I killed you!"

Demyx eyes grew wide. "Roxas!"

"Huh?"

"Your boyfriend! He tried to kill me!"

"Sora has a boyfriend?" boomed a suddenly rejuvenated Kairi.

"No way!" Sora cried, the Divine Rose appearing in his hand. "Don't listen to him, Kairi! This'll all be over soon".

Demyx shrieked in fear and immediately tried to dive into the sand, unfortunately knocking himself out in the process. Lesson learned: If it doesn't _look_ like water, nine times out of ten... it isn't.

Sora raised the keyblade over his head, preparing to strike.

"STOP!" Kairi yelled. "You can't kill him!"

"Why not?" Sora and Riku asked in unison.

"He's so cuuuuuuuute!" She pinched Demyx's cheeks. "Look at his hairstyle and his cute little banjo!"

"Sitar" Demyx mumbled weakly.

"Awwwwwww" Kairi squeezed his head into her newly grown chest. "Can we keep him?"

Sora crossed his arms and shook in anger. "Fine! Come on, Riku! Let's go hold hands and make Kairi jealous".

"Hmph!" Kairi took Demyx by the feet and he unsuccessfully tried to scramble away. "Come on... what's your name?"

"Um..." He would have to think about this.

"I'll pick!" She skipped along. "Billy! I'll name you Billy Joe".

Dem- Billy groaned in agony. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

* * *

NEXT: Billy Joe's Banjo Show 

It rhymes.

I tried to make this longer.

So tell me... what organization members would you like to see more or less of?


End file.
